Some News

I wasn't sure how to share some news.  In April I had spent a week in the hospital, during that time I found out I was pregnant.  While in the hospital I started spotting and we thought I was having another miscarriage, I've had three.  This pregnancy was unplanned and rather unexpected.  With learning of a close friend's pregnancy loss I felt terrible guilt.  I knew how she had long prayed to have another baby.  Here I am.

We eventually wanted to finish our family and have our fourth child, after I was out of the Navy at least.  You see, I haven't been the same since I was assaulted last year.  My mental health and physical health deteriorated quite a bit.  I've stabilized in some aspects, but I will be medically separated in the next year.  We are hoping I am given a high enough disability percentage that I will be medically retired.  This would help my family the most.  With my pregnancy, the medical board was postponed.  Instead of being out this fall, I'll be out next summer.  Either way, it's not what I had hoped for career wise.

I struggle with accepting all the changes and what I obviously cannot control.  I know God's hand has been in my life.  I'm just dumbfounded that I would be pregnant, now of all times.  It has tested my faith.  I feel unprepared and unworthy.  In therapy I learned its the depression that makes me feel like that.  Still doesn't make it easier.  I wish we lived closer to family and friends.  I've really needed more good people in my life and close friends to spend time with and I don't really have that here.  My due date is 12/13 from my period and 12/11 from the ultrasound.

We started to tell others last weekend.  We told our children on Saturday, family on Sunday, and friends Monday.  I love what my sister-in-law shared with me.  When she was pregnant with her second child she was really worried about how close in age her children would be and her sister told her that "a baby is a blessing no matter what" and to look for the positives.